Sadly, it's slipped.

Those of us who have been in the sport 30 years or better have a different point of reference. We recall simpler, better times. They were! Why do we cave to political correctness? The world is messed up. It's one of the reasons I am running for NH State Rep. Why must running be the magnetized venue for every charity out there? We 've been brainwashed to believe "it's a good cause" and made to feel guilty if we don't want to fork out 30 bucks for "Run For The Gay Walruses" 5K. Of course, we are conditioned that such thinking is neanderthalic. How dare I ?!

And we don't want to exercise freedom of speech, backbone or dare to deviate from popular thought, do we? I have always been an outsider so I have nothing to lose. Grrrrrrrrrrr! Gimme dem  'ole days. Let's have a race just for the sake of the sport. Is that a crime? CMS has weekly Sat races for only a few greenbacks. The Monadnock Milers have the Winter Chillers and Summer Sizzlers. The North Meford Club still does that. Summer and winter races have been held at various points in Massachusetts since the Jefferson Davis/Abe Lincoln Administrations, I think. They have about 6 locations and odd distances. Not a pukey 5k in the lot, I don't think. Amen to that.

Even now, it's only a couple bucks (worst case scenario for non-NMC members is $5.00), and nothing if you are an NMC lifer (since '75, I think) like me and don't desire a prize. Fred Brown, a name unfamiliar to many of you but one which you should know and remember, was the architect of these. The club was founded in 1933. In January I journeyed down Memory Lane in Gardner (Gahhdnuh! Excuse me). The beauty of it all is that nothing ever changes. Total diehards and willing spirits anxious to tackle the slightly short 10K course assemble for the umpteenth time at the Rod and Gun Club. Old style races are like gold to the purist. Modernists may hate it, which is ok. They can take their walkmans, baby strollers, various skin balms, beeping watches , trendy attitudes and go find another (yaaaaaaawn) 5k charity classic, 'cuz we don't have enough of them. Wink wink. They are all so jacked up about getting a slice of lard- like pizza and pretty teal t-shirt to match their penny loafers. And all for only 45 bucks. Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!!! Wake me when it's over. This past weekend alone (April 30 /May 1) was saturated with the same old same old.

Exceptions: A Ten Miler in Bennington VT and one in our own backyard. Yup, there was a half marathon in Temple, NH you should have run. Corey Boilard did and destroyed the field--leading from the Gun-- to waltz away with a 1:18:15 victory in what I will state here is the TOUGHEST Haffer in New England. A distant second would be the old Nute Ridge Race, an A-1 event which ain't no longer with us. Apathy and 5K charity phobia strangled it. I was the course marshal at Temple on Sat at just past 4 miles, which is also the beginning point for the Peanut Butter Chip Chase. Here is where the rubber meets the road. For those of you who have run that New Year's Day Classic (as 5k races go, that's a REAL race course, especially when it is icy and sub-zed!. T-U-F-F), you know the mile long hill I'm squawkin' about here. Well, try doing 13 miles of hilly repeats. Got it? Good!

Cory was the story. He motored up that nasty," gnarly" (I don't like that word but I'll make an exception here, plus the censors went home) incline like a finely tuned Mercedes, piston-like legs effortlessly and rhythmically in synch! A 1:18 here is a 1:12 at White Mountain Milers Half. Corey is 1:12 material. Runner-up went to Elijah "Endurance Man" Barrett, who did a 1:22 and change. He is a speedy Gonzales who ain't hit his peak yet cuz he's busier than a bee with that new store of his. They are both of Keene. Old man Davey Audette, Konkid, who may hit 100 races this year if he don't end up in the The Shady Lane Convalescent Home first, was fourth in 1:32. He is Mr. Experience and was certainly hurtin'. His thighs went postal, which should make Davey feel right at home.

As for the dainty ladies......... well, I think they all stayed home, as no tea-sippin , croissant-munchin' maidens could be found among the rugged finishers here. First gal was the effervescent Ann "Picasso" Gilley (whose hubby Mickey Gilley was a country crooner, I think. Or maybe that was her daddy. Not sure). Well, she done run a 1:39:53. A group of us guys wuz all cheerin' fer her real strong- like at the finish (which was like the headwall at Mt Washington.), hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on like we duz all the tahm, so that she'd bust 1:40. And sure as shootin', hang it- she did! Why, there was Jerry The Invalid, Dan Dubya, John T(The nasty course designer), Dr Greg, and me. Bill Engle dropped by but couldn't stay as he had a pedicure and hairdressing appt in Keene at Noon. He was anxious to cash in the gift cert. he'd won a wek earlier at Otter Lake. Kathy his Missuz thought she'd end up with that.

Anyway, Ann is a member of our Monadncok Regional Milers and a real friendly sort of lady , most gracious.A nd very nice dimples when she smiles, I might add. She deserves the laurels. Yippppee!! She is quite a gifted painter, as I had a chance to chat with her while I performed my valet parking duties, which was prior to the AK-37 that started the whole sh'-bang. Runners are cheap, man. Nuthin. No tips. And they wonder how their tires all came up flat. D-uhhh! I told 'em it was the ---er-- altitude, on account of Temple bein' nearer to the heavens than most places. Hah! They bought it. Not too bright, this group. Serves 'em all right.

The average time might have been about 1:47-1:50, I'd say. I ran it afterwards with MRM Master Ace Jayne Talarico (petrocelli) in the driving monsoon. She didn't take it easy on me at all, dragging me along for a 1:45:30 PAINFUL TRAINING RUN. No mercy on me despite constant pleadings, my delicate condition making no difference to her. Why, she even sneered and grinned sadistically the whole way, kicking me in the calves when I moved too slowly. Chills me to think of it. No wonder I can't sleep tonight. They still ache. Man, I always thought she was an affable woman. But whaddaya expect? Her hubby is Mr Evil Himself, John Talarico, who designed this whole scary roller coaster ride. He lives for these things too. I wouldn't want to be their neighbors, or their pets. I better call the NHSPCA first thing Monday morning. You gotta run it. You want a challenge? You come here. The elevation rose 1000 feet ( As in ONE THOUSAND FEET, amigo) from lowest to highest point, Nasty Man Talarico said.

So Ann (we call her "Pic'" for short, instead of Picasso) and (Professor Irwin) Cory got gift certificates to the nifty B&B across the way. Birchwood, I think. But all this takes a back seat(or "Bach" seat if you are a classical music connoisseur) to the biggest moment of the day.

History was made here when Dan Walsh of Greenfield met Dan Walsh of Concord. We were hoping for a somewhat hospitable exchange. This monumental event rivaled the historic meeting of Lee's surrender to Grant at Appomattox. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. But who could've predicted what would come next? Out of nowhere Greenfield Dan accuses Concord Dan of Identity Theft. "You are not Dan Walsh!", screamed the feisty Green(field)ie Meenie. The other retorted, frothing with spit (yicccch!), "I was Dan Walsh before YOU were Dan Walsh!" "Nahh-ahhh". "Uh-huhhhhh." And on it went. They were like teenage boys, for cryin' out loud , fightin' over the same girl. Well, it IS prom time, after all.

Watch out and take cover, brother. Then, the fists flew, of course. It was pretty even, back and forth. It reminded me of the old comics when all you'd see was a cloud of dust and legs and arms. Like when Andy Capp would get into a brawl at the pub. Got the picture now? If not, we'll ask Ann Gilley to paint one for you, cuz she is a pro and is a big cheese in the artsy world. But she ain't no snob. You'd like her, too. The whole club of MRMers are much like that.

Anyway, We had to separate them. Lee and Grant did not behave in such manner at that Court House 140 years ago. Thank God. I guess I can understand in a way. Identity theft is big business these days, and you really have to be careful. So they were both protecting what each believed to be his own. It was probably good they get it out in the open. What with hockey being canceled this year, I think those gathered in the Temple Town Hall Saturday kind of enjoyed it. As if the course itself didn't beat them up enough, these pair of hooligans decide to beat up on each other. They are pugnacious Irishmen. Would you expect anything else? They were talking trash, then "rematch" from what I could hear( and I was the ringside announcer) as the theme to Rocky played in The background.

So there you have it. Year One of this unique event is in the books. Jayne Talarico and Helen (of Troy) Bradler did a marvelous job of handling minute logistics of this race. You had to be there to appreciate that aspect of it. It would not have been pretty without their efforts.

Hey. Sizzlers start Monday, May 23rd."Race For the Black Fly Pie" and maybe another theme with it. Be there at The Apple Orchards, 6:30 pm., Duncan Road, Hancock. Four bucks. No shirts. No yogurt. No fancy timing. No microphones. No "Run -For- Another- Charity- and -cause- and- pat ourselves on the back 5k". No music. No expo. And no rip-off entry fees. Old school running. Every one gets a prize. You get your money's worth. A runner's race, put on by The Monadnock Regional Milers.

Aloha!----
Dave Birse
President, Co-Founder
Monadnock Regional Milers