Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat! I knew it was relay night, but them boys caught the Sizzler Timing Crew a bit off guard. Bird, Jordan, Magic and Kareem weren’t bad, as Dream Team One but ain’t got nothin’ on running’s version of the same name. Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire! They zipped by so quick-like they nearly caught us in siesta mode. Whew!

I came running out of my makeshift adobe (with sombrero dragging behind) just in time. I had to wake up crew chief Lisa Ramey and Bob Fogg, who’d just refereed the kiddie races. He charges overtime for two races, you know. Still reasonable though.

Tue Night was the Summer Sizzler’s Annual relay race. We use a baby banana cuz –well –we like to be different. It fits our style. Plus, if you are the anchor, ya got a ready-made snack in your hand when you cross the line. And potassium is what a body needs if a body draws the short straw and is relegated to the third leg at Norway Hill. You need “K” to combat the myocardial infarction, which is a distinct possibility on a hot night. No tougher ascent around than ours.

So back to the foot contest at hand. (Great) Scott McGrath, (Saint) Nick Jenkins and Ty (Cobb) French comprised one heck of a strong squad! Not a weak link in it, which is precisely why they scooted to first place in a relay- record time of 15:37.Man, did they cruise. They got first dibs at The Prizes and a trophy, too!

But not far behind was current series leader (Joltin’) Jesse Baver, anchoring for Team Volvo. The Jester’s teammates were Brian (Deck the) Halling and (Saint) Andrew Galvin. They posted 16:02. Not shabby. No trophy. Sorry.

In a very decent 16:27 was “Young Guns,” composed of Alex (Prefontaine) McGrath, (Helen Of) Troy French and (Gentle) Ben Jenkins. These fellows were like gazelles eluding the lion in the sub-Sahara. No fat. All speed. Predators would starve to death because prey like this would constantly elude them and force the kings of the jungle to become herbivores. Or maybe survive on a few sluggish field mice.

Not to be outdone, in 20:52, Jackie (Onassis) Dussault, Kellie (Daniel) Webster, and Khrysta (Punky) Brewster claimed the First female trophy and whatever it is they picked. Melting chocolate bars, I think.Oooooooooooohhhhhhh.All our confections were slowly morphing from solid to liquids, like the Wicked Witch of the West on Wiz Of Oz.

No witches or warlocks here. They are all boycotting and congregating with other like- minded demons in their coven, which is fine. Don’t want them. All the loyalty of pigeons-- weak, fearful, lemmings, no mind of their own, and no spine.

Anyway, our visitors from Manchester-- who were nice people and a delight to have with us ---- went by the name of “Manchester Meteorites”. And know we know why. Zooooooooooom!

First Mixed Team (Dynamite) Dave Orsman, (Super) Sasha Varanka, and (Thunder) Dan Bertrand netted a 19:33. They also snagged a gorgeous trophy. Their name, forever enshrined in history books everywhere, was “Lightening –In- A- Bottle.” Right on with that name.

Top Family you just KNEW had to be the Schillemats, didn’t you? Well, you were correctimundo, mein freund. Young Geoff (Rocky), Duane (Da Bear) and Kirstin (Lady Einstein) posted 23:02.Hot times on a hotter night.

Finally, First Mixed (Nuts) Family: Artie (The One Man Party) and Missy (Good) Knight, who went by the name of “Fly- By –Knights,” notched a 26:50 to win bragging rights for years to come.

Oh. The (Buzz) Sawich clan was also out. But where was (Hurricane) Emily Sawich. When I saw on The Weather Channel that a cyclone was a brewin’ down yonder and had been named of one of our runners, well—I was beside myself.

We had a total of 51, but it was most manageable. Didn’t seem like that much. That’s because citizens of Sizzler nation are exemplary in word, deed, thought, attire and all modes pertaining to the construct of character.

Huge helpers for the noc were (Mona) Lisa and (Betsy) Ross Ramey (London), Bob Fogg, and (Buffalo) Bill and Kathy (Tough-As- Nails) Engle.

Next week is Race Number Five. It is also our most popular theme. Well, then, this can mean only one thing: “Christmas In July!?”Ayuh. Come and be a part of it all. The venue is The Train Depot, Depot Road, Hancock. Time is 6:30 PM. It’s one mighty rugged four miler. Made worse if the flying insects join hands with another high dew point on an intensely sultry Midsummer Eve.

Nasty trifecta. Rough route, deerfly and 98% humidity. But you can do it. Don’t be a sissy. Cost is four bucks per scalp. There will be a fun run for the little elves, too.

We will have holiday music, the trimmings, a tree, hot cocoa, jingle bells for you to tie to your shoes and prizes like..........................

“Five Golden Ring Dings,” “Tiny Tim’s Slim Jims,” “YuleTide Yodels,” “Christmas Cheer-ios,” ”Bob Fogg Egg Nog,” “It’s A Wonderful Life (cereal),” “Mistle –Toe Jam,” “Do –You- Hear- What- I- Hear Root Beer” “North Polar Soda,” “”Bob Cratchet Ratchet Set”, “O Comfort and (Almond) Joy,” “Christmas –In July-Apple Pie” and many more.

So take the missuz and the 2.7 children (25.7 in the case of the Schillemats) and engage in some healthy, wholesome, wacky, bonding type of activity. Why, we may even go caroling after the race! Don’t be surprised if we show up on your doorstep belting out Holiday favorites and wishing you and yours the very best in the coming months.

The merry tunes may even prick that stone cold heart of yours and you might even beckon us all in for a little Bob Fog egg nog. A little of the –um “Recipe,” as it were.

You can contact me at 525-9357(Toll free 1-800-O- HO-HO- HO) or e-mail The Jolly Old Man at sizzlermania@hotmail.com for cyber inquiries. We are having yet another successful year here in Sizzler Nation and we couldn’t be any happier. Seasons Greetings from Sizzler Central here on North Elmwood Road in lovely Hancock New Hampshire.